Don't Ever Get a Truck

     I've spent the last month entirely around 20 year olds, not a break, not a moment to myself.  I've not been made  aware of how old I am until this trip.  I make jokes and have to preface them with "do you know about?" Or "have you seen this movie?"  I feel out of touch and altogether isolated without my peers here.  I've become incredibly insecure (yet another thing) about growing older, my prime slipping away countered with the fact that I feel so very alive and vital.  This weekend, I spent the weekend at a nearby beach with a fantastically introverted and bright young woman, Angela.  I've spent a lot of time with wee Angela while here in Spain and she's allowed me time to reflect on what it means to be a woman her age.  Most of our time together I am trying to convince her of a book, movie or experience she ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO HAVE IN HER LIFE, or at least what I needed in mine.  I do this with a fervor that is probably obnoxious and overbearing.  While I am excited to share the things that have been impactful for me, I realize that I came across them only when I was ready for them, when I truly would find value in them.  Angela takes her time with things.  She likes to do things at her own pace, taking often days to revisit a question she was asked in haste.  She is incredibly empathetic, has a cutting wit and is ready for bigger and better things in her life.  She has a quiet sense of adventure but is often doubting herself.  I wish I could say she reminds me of me but frankly she has a better head on her shoulders than I ever did.  I was angry, impulsive and petty at her age.  She is calm, close to her family and private, a very different animal than I am.  In our talks, she has pointed out several tendencies I have socially and professionally and although she is very young, she's wiser than her years.  Through her, I've realised that it's not just me doing the teaching.

      So this week, rather than telling you about three days on a beach, a pool, drinking sangria or attempts at speaking Spanish, I will share with you a lesson list to my younger self, ones I wished I had learned earlier.

1.  Don't ever get a truck, people will always ask you to help them move.  Only help folks who will help you move.  

2.  Always bring extra toilet paper.  I know you don't carry a purse, and thank goddess for that --- but really, BRING EXTRA TOILET PAPER.

3.  Pay with your debit card on Amazon, not credit.  It'll be a problem.  Don't fight over money, it's useless.

4.  Don't quit your foreign language when you get to conjugating past tense verbs.  You'll need Spanish, stupid!

5.  If you keep going out to eat, you are going to get fat.  And when you get fat, appreciate the experience.  It's nice to know what both bodies feel like so you can find a balance.  You'll have a broader definition of beauty because you'll be informed.  Deal with it.

6.  When you do gain weight, put on the goddamned swimsuit and swim.  You'll spend years avoiding the thing you love most, water- because you are afraid of what your body looks like.  Swim bitch.  SWIM.

7.  Start reading autobiographies.  Don't wait too long to find women who think and act like you do, even if you mostly only find them in books.  There are indeed brassy, smart mouthed, loud laughing queer women out there, just like you.  And they can be beautiful creatures with swag.

8.  Headboards are just as gross as top covers.  Apparently remotes are also nasty.

9.  Courage in your convictions.  Just know when it's appropriate to share them.  

10.  Always jump in the pool.  Make it quick.  Just remember your sunscreen.

11.  Tell people they are beautiful- because they are.

12.  Snuggle who the hell you want.  It's a litmus test.

13.  Make mistakes.  Guilt is for Catholics.

14.  Don't be afraid to tell the truth.  It'll then be on your terms to say the difficult things.  Someone is always listening and it may just change things. But be careful of the sangria.  

15.  Take those naps with Mom and learn what she's teaching you, it's a gift.  (Sewing, cooking, ironing, planting)

16.  Madonna stops being cool.  Madge is kind of stupid.  

17.  Don't buy things.  Instead, travel.

18.  Never put a cost-benefit value on your friendships.  No one will ever put in what you do and that's OK.

19.  Always believe someone when they show you who they are, the first time.  And damn you if it takes twice - you deserve what's coming to you if you let that happen.

20.  Your time is your only currency.  Don't give it to someone you don't want to.

21.  Don't make desperate attempts to evade creeps.  When you are uncomfortable, say so.

22.  Stop judging.  The happiest people don't.

23.  Read whatever the hell you want.  When people ask, tell them it's the biography of olive oil.  They won't ask again.

24.  When the desert isn't sweet enough, spread Nutella on it.  There is always a way to enjoy something sour...

25.  There will be a ton of phantom shit smells in your life.  Don't spend too much time trying to find out where it's coming from.  You'll know it when you find it.

26.  Keep every great personality in your life, regardless of age.  

27.  When the ugly cry comes, there's no way to stifle it.  It's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.  Let it out.  

28.  Stop feeling guilty about how you spend your free time.  It's all valuable.  But try to spend downtime flossing.  

29.  Sight see.  There's a reason people do it.

30.  Thanks for not getting that tribal or that eyebrow ring you thought was so cool.  

31.  Art isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing.  Just because you aren't making it right now, doesn't mean you aren't letting the pot simmer and adding ingredients at all times.